Crazy day crazy thing crazy night #1

Pijak lantai berpasir. tengok bawah pasu kaktus dah jatuh tanah hitam bersepah. Tapi apa aku buat? Hanya mampu tengok lepas tu buat bodoh. Tak guna.



I cant even take care of my cactus and also fishes.


How come do I expect to take care about others, I cant even take care of myself. Ehh I do. I just can take care of myself because i dont really care about me. Heh


Got starbucks and sushi with ainaa and ain really made my day after having tiring day working at our garage sale booth. The exhausted-ness flew away the moment we step into the car with drinks on our hands. But by the time I see my bed at room I just cant resist. I cant say no to my bed so I cuddle with my comfort blankie and fall asleep. Also I missed the theater. *not that I really wanna see it anyway but still*


And last night? We're having a bad crazy day at first. And we started to feel alot better after going out just the two of us, me and farah *my roommie* took her to mcd to have breakfast at 5 and all the coffee talk whatever teach her how to drive also chilling out at side of the highway, about to take picture suddenly phone battery went low so no awesome pictures to show hahaha.


I know deep down she needed this. I even brought tissue to the park where she hang out by herself. You better appreciate me rommie cse there's one and only eddy in this whole wide world hahahahaha kbai



p/s: sometimes you just have to listen. Its nice to actually know that someone's there for you.


     I'm having a really bad day so i cant even remember which story came first so I kinda mixed up so
     just bare with me. Just so you know all of the above happened in one day one night but thanks to
     my awesome self and friends who made me feel alot bettahh.



iknewyouweretrouble#np

Quote Of The Day #1

" If you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow, would you sit on the couch and cry about it or would you run and jump and do some awesome air kick while you still could." - HIMYM



mirror#nowplaying

Just a cup of coffee #1

Have you ever feel so mad and you just sit alone,  have some quality time with yourself thinking, while listening to song that could bring you back into some sense and then you realized, how silly you're acting, throwing tantrums where one easy thing could fix the situation.


This happened to me last night. Three something in the morning to be exact.


I realized that I made some crappy posts before, you know trying to to express my feeling which is good but not in a good way. You know you gotta talk to someone who you've been meaning to talk to instead of keeping it to yourself. Maybe writing it down would help but not 100% effective.

So, it got me thinking, why not start afresh?

Maybe I'm wrong. or maybe I'm not. But thats not the point.

In relationship, you have to give and take to make it work.

Obviously, you cant always win. and you cant be the one who always give in either.

and it gets back to give and take method.



"I guess sometimes you just have to set your ego aside. And remember at the love that you have for that other person is way more important than winning " - HIMYM SE5EP6


They say, fights in a relationship are healthy. But if you keep fighting all the time, it could be worst. You may fight because the other person do something wrong so you just have to talk about it so they wont do it again next time. Or you could sit back and think again why did they do it anyway.


Stop blaming and finger pointing. Instead, take it positively and learn from it.

And this doesnt just for relationship, but also friendship. We talk random and general here.


Knowing myself, I shouldnt write this post as in i'm good enough or well experienced to give relationship advice. Or maybe its nauseating for you to read this, but somehow you'll get there. and everything on the above does make sense.



p/s: This might sounds weird but to those who find drinking coffee and listening to song could talk some sense into you, then you're not alone. I'm here bro. I do feel so. 


#listeningtoFlyFm

That.....

Hopeless.

I feel hopeless.

You know you cant win the fight but still you dont wanna lose but you cant do anything about it.

It may sounds like you're giving up. But it isnt.

It just that you know where you are and not wasting your time fighting for something that isnt worth it.


No matter how hard I fight, no matter what I say, in the end I still lose. I may have point but its not right enough to make me win. I dont have alibi.

Maybe I happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe.

I may have not the chance now, but I will some other time. I know.

If we ever meet again, i'll make this right.



p/s: its not that I dont care, I still do. It just that no matter how hard I try, no one sees. and for now I shall stop being your burden. 


beautifulhangover#nowplaying

You know?

That feeling when you're supposed to feel something but you cant. not because you're heartless or cannot feel anything but it just that you shouldn't feel that way because people judge.


For example, you refuse to eat something because it doesnt taste good but you cant say anything but to eat it because people will say that you're picky.


Get what it means?


Or you got a cut, just a small cut but it hurts because its deep, but you cant brag about it because people will say that you're weak cse all they see it just a small cut but they cant see how deep it is.


See?



p/s: You know, sometimes you cant tell someone everything because some people judge, some people jump into conclusion, some people being on sides, some people dont even care, and the worst some people cant keep it. But for all I know, I'm glad that I have someone that understand. 



Enough said.



#skypingwithlynn♥

A reminder

 p/s: for myself as well. 



finallyfoundyou#nowplaying

Bro-sick

Normally, when hostel students going back on holiday they're looking forward to spend time with their family. So do I.

But mine is bit different cse not all my family members are living under the same roof. My sister is now currently in Kedah, still studying and even on holidays we're not meeting each other cse she's living with my mom. And I stay with my dad, as well as my younger brother and sister.

And talking about brother, he's the one I look forward to meet the most during holidays. One of the major reason is because he's the one and only brother I ever had in the world and he understand me the most. We fight alot, cursed each other and throwing stuffs. But he's also the one who take me out for dinner and buy me sanitary pad when I'm not able to move from bed. I sometimes borrow his money when I'm broke and I lend him some when he need.

But brother-sister's relationship isnt beautiful all time. Of course there's some people who always nice with their siblings and saying I Miss You to them isnt a problem. But for me, I cant simply text or call him and say I miss you. Thats not how I show my affection to my brother or sisters. or anyone. In fact, I never say I Love You or I Miss You to my brother.

To me, if I let my brother borrow my things such as laptop to play games, that means love. Of course it is. We share room *its bunk beds*.  We share shorts. We share shirts. We share alot of things.

But as the time flies, we grow up. Whenever I went back home for holiday, he's not always around. He got school and friends. He has social life. He always go out and only come back at night. We dont spend much time together and it has been months since I last met him.


p/s: I'm writing this entry because I saw your pictures on facebook. You're really grown up. I dont spend much time with you cse i was in boarding school before and living in hostel till now. Though I'm not always there when you're growing up but I hope you'll be a better man. Though I know you wont read this but still I cant say those words I've been wanting to say. Let say sharing stuffs would have the same meaning, I'd say I'm sharing stuff with you. Have a good life my bro :)

thislove#nowplaying

Name it yourself

I'm not the love guru type of person who deserved to write this post but on behalf of my friend who just not so recently got out from a relationship but the "ship" they're having is quite complicated that I have to console my friend and i think this post made sense just to help if anyone out there having the same issues/whatever that might related.

okay that makes quite an introduction. 

Back to topic. 

A very good friend of mine had this relationship with this guy and I'm beyond happy for her cse she's finally have someone to look after her but things didnt go so well between them that I wanna see her happy but if she didnt I cant do much. So I said I'll support her whatever decision she made which she regret it now. I'm kinda of guilty. She dumped him.

and now that guy is having a relationship with another girl (which is completely fine they even put it on facebook) and that my dear friend having a heartbreak. 

That guy must have been sending mixed/wrong signals to my friend, cse they're still texting and wake each other up for subuh prayer (which is really sweet) but then here goes the breaking news.

She dumped him. (okay i mentioned that twice)

which made sense to me if that guy wanna revenge or making her into him again and suddenly having relationship with another women. 

Before their break up, she said to me that she has no feeling for this guy which now I think thats a bull. That was her first real relationship and of course she's a lil bit scared to open up cse she didnt know if its real or not.

I do understand that. Really. Cse i'm living it now. 

But people appreciate something when its gone.

Now that he's gone (i mean in relationship with someone) and she feels like she can never win this guy again cse he's with someone else. and the fact that guy was over her when she just realized how real her feeling for this guy contributes to heartbreak she's having.

I cant talk much cse its no one's fault. Okay maybe that guy sent wrong signals and my friend took it seriously. But at the first place he got dumped. and he's hurt. His ego was hurt. Do you know how much that hurts? Very much.

and you cant really blame him on what he did to you (i mean my friend). 

I kinda lost my dearest once and I cant barely live for that temporary moment and when I had the second chance to have him back, I didnt waste it. And who knows that I appreciate him more than I did before. 

I hope that will teach her not to let the chance she has wasted, instead appreciate it like there's no second chance. 

p/s: Mistakes are mistakes if you repeat them.

theonlyexception #nowplaying

problems is how you see them.

Everyone has their own problem. Its whether they show it or not. Level of difficulties of one's problem is determined by ourselves. Sometimes, bila kita ada masalah kita mesti fikir ni lah masalah or dugaan yang besar pada kita. Tapi sebenarnya ada yang lagi menderita dan sedang mengalami masalah yang lebih berganda daripada kita. 

For example, we always heard news pasal budak perempuan yang bunuh diri sebab mempnyai masalah dalam percintaan, contohnya baru lepas break up dengan boyfriend. kebiasaan nya yang mendengar atau membaca cerita pasal benda ni mesti akan cakap "eleh, sebab putus cinta je nak bunuh diri? bodoh. Orang lain tak rasa apa yang dia rasa so tak patut cakap macam tu sebab one day bila diri sendiri terkena macam ni, baru lah tahu apa rasanya. Bukan nak menggalakkan ke apa, tapi respect lah masalah orang lain. bukan tahu mengkritik je.

For some people, sesuatu benda tu mungkin bukan masalah bagi dia, tapi masalah bagi orang lain. contohnya, si A down sebab result exam dia teruk. and si B ni pulak boleh cakap "rileklah result aku lagi teruk dari kau kot". Mungkin bagi A result teruk ni satu masalah bagi dia, dan bagi B pulak bukan. so B sepatutnya diam, bukan membandingkan result siapa lagi teruk. Kalau benda tu bukan masalah kepada diri sendiri, senyap dah lah. Ianya mungkin masalah kepada orang lain. 

Kadang kadang bila ada masalah, aku selalu pikir ada orang lain yang lagi besar masalah dia daripada aku. *actually nak sedapkan hati je* tapi ade betulnya jugak

Ada banyak lagi situation masalah yang berlaku dalam kehidupan seharian. Terpulang kepada individu sendiri macam mana dia nak define masalah yang dia hadapi. Tapi apa pun yang kita hadapi, running away is not the best solution. In fact, it does not solves any problem. Setiap masalah ada penyelesaiannya. Jadi bersabarlah dan jangan berputus asa :) FIGHTING!

New Page

If life is like a book, and year is a chapter, then close the previous page and open up a new one. People changes. Whether to be better or worse, they'll decide. And as for me, I think I changed a lot since new year. I mean not that a lot, but  just few changes. I am a bit more sensitive than I was before. And I learned to see life as in more serious and mature way. I did a lot of thinking about future, which really scares me eventhough I'm not really sure of it yet. But yeah, I have to prepare, for the good or bad.

This year, which means now i'm in second semester of my diploma and the subjects (core subjects) are really tough. And i'm grateful to have the chance to learn programming in this semester,  and thank God my lecturer is super cool, super nice. 

And from this subjects that makes me think. Programming requires a lot of thinking, logical thinking and problem solving. And a person who does not like to think definitely cannot do programming because programmer needs to think the solution for one particular problem. And yes I do think a lot because of this.

One more thing about programming is the lecturer, Sir Aziman. He's trying to make it clear to us the purpose of studying programming that makes he comes out with the teaching skills that relate life and programming. And I have to agree that it works, well for me at least. Before he starts teaching, he gives us this life's lesson kind of advice, how does life out there, career's life, life after graduate and real life that none of us has ever experienced. 

That is one of the reason I back to blogging because actually I have alot to tell, a lot to say that I can't even talk to people about some topics eventhough its kinda random but not everyone can actually listen to what I wanna say cse sometimes I crap more than the points. and the truth is, sometimes what I feel is different from what I say, which needs someone to really understand me and know every meaning of words that came out from me. Yeah I'm alot more complicated than other human beings. I listen a lot, but never tell. I write instead.