Kalau dengar cerita dari mulut orang lain, boleh jadi cerita tu berubah ubah struktur nya. Dari mulut A ke mulut B sampai ke telinga sendiri dari mulut K. Tak ke jauh.


Tapi kalau dah nampak dengan mata kepala sendiri, pandai2 lah.


Sebab tu tak boleh nak judge orang kalau tak tahu cerita disebaliknya.


Sebab tu selama ni aku hadap je orang kata aku macam macam.



"Kau ego tinggi doh dy". Ye ego aku tinggi.

"Kau ni keras kepala la". Ye kepala aku memang keras kalau lembik tak tahu mcm mana bentuk kepala aku.

"Kau ni macam ni la..macam tu laa". Ye aku macam ni, aku macam tu.



Tak boleh nak salah kan orang yang bercakap tu sebab diorang judge from what they see or hear. People judge. Tu kena tahu. Tak boleh nak melenting bila orang cakap macam tu.

Tapi kali ni kau dah tengok depan mata sendiri, aku takde nak memburuk burukkan orang. Kau dah nampak sendiri. Sekarang ni terpulang kau lah nak tengok aku as the bad guy or not.

Aku tak sampaikan cerita, aku tak mereka cerita.


Tapi cerita ni happen depan mata kau.


Terpulang kau nak percaya mata sendiri atau telinga.


Aku tak membuktikan aku betul, cuma jangan letak salah tu seratus peratus atas aku.


Bukan sekali dua aku kena macam ni. Kadang2 perasaan tu dah kebas. kata orang putih, numb.


Kalau boleh buka kan mata orang lain cerita sebenar.


Kalau boleh, aku taknak lah terima private message kata aku macam macam.

Siapa taknak back up member. Tapi kalau nak back up membuta tuli dengar cerita dari mulut orang lain ke apa tak boleh jugak. Kalau member sendiri memang dah salah, kau nak back up bagi menang, berdosa tahu. Menegak kan benda yang salah.


Jangan bercakap benda yang kosong. Cerita yang aku tulis ni, berisi.


Aku ni memang jenis dominan. Nak buat macam mana. Be it other's people fault, I'm the one who they see guilty.


Kalau jalan berdua dengan perempuan lain, orang ingat aku gay. dalam erti kata lain sejenis.


Mulut orang kita tak boleh nak tutup. Asalkan diri sendiri tahu macam mana, kisah apa orang lain cakap.


Kalau side aku macam ni orang dah cakap ego tinggi, keras kepala, degil, ketegaq ke apa,

You havent see my true colour yet, bro.


Ikutkan statistic aku dah lower the level apa yang orang cakap aku selama ni sebanyak 73 peratus.


Tahukah anda perangai aku yang sebenarnya telah menyebabkan perpecahan yang besar berlaku dalam hidup aku?

Takde undo button.


p/s: Untuk pengetahuan, aku dah menjangkau umur 20-an. Bukan dua belas. bukan dua.
      Beragak lah nak menipu ke apa, aku bukan otak kecil.

MIND OVER MATTER

"I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all"

Ingat seronok ke jadi robot?

Bila tengok orang lain rasa bahagia dari dalam hati, tapi kau bahagia sebab kau save perasaan tu dalam kepala. 

Ingat seronok ke jadi robot?

Bila tengok orang lain menangis sebab dia rasa sedih, tapi kau menangis sebab kau save dalam kepala bila sedih harus menangis.

Ingat seronok ke jadi robot?

Bila tengok orang lain penat sebab perasaan dia, tapi kau penat sebab tak boleh nak merasa.

Ingat seronok ke jadi robot?

Semua perasaan kau simpan dalam kepala. Bila bahagia kau harus senyum. Bila lawak kau mesti gelak. Bila sedih kau kena nangis. 

Ingat seronok ke jadi robot?

Bila tengok orang lain broken hearted, jujur rasa sakit dari dalam hati tapi kau sakit hati sebab otak kau cakap kau perlu rasa macam tu. sebab tu common sense. mana ada orang broken heart tapi tak rasa apa2. Kau cuba adapt situation so that you at least look like a human. 

Ingat seronok ke jadi robot?

Bila tengok orang lain rasa ikhlas datang dari hati tapi kau datang dari otak sendiri. 

Tapi jadi robot seronok juga. 

Sebab kau tak rasa penat. Kalau kau benci orang, benda tu tak effect kau pun. Kalau kau dendam dengan orang, benda tu tak exhaust kau pun. Sebab semua benda tu kau simpan dalam kepala. Once kau dah benci atau dendam, kau tak perlu nak ingatkan pada diri kau yang kau benci atau dendam dengan orang. sebab kau dah cop muka orang ni yang kau benci atau dendam dengan dia.

Tapi kena ingat, 

Robot bukan manusia.

Manusia bukan robot.

Quote Of The Day #1

" If you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow, would you sit on the couch and cry about it or would you run and jump and do some awesome air kick while you still could." - HIMYM



mirror#nowplaying

Just a cup of coffee #1

Have you ever feel so mad and you just sit alone,  have some quality time with yourself thinking, while listening to song that could bring you back into some sense and then you realized, how silly you're acting, throwing tantrums where one easy thing could fix the situation.


This happened to me last night. Three something in the morning to be exact.


I realized that I made some crappy posts before, you know trying to to express my feeling which is good but not in a good way. You know you gotta talk to someone who you've been meaning to talk to instead of keeping it to yourself. Maybe writing it down would help but not 100% effective.

So, it got me thinking, why not start afresh?

Maybe I'm wrong. or maybe I'm not. But thats not the point.

In relationship, you have to give and take to make it work.

Obviously, you cant always win. and you cant be the one who always give in either.

and it gets back to give and take method.



"I guess sometimes you just have to set your ego aside. And remember at the love that you have for that other person is way more important than winning " - HIMYM SE5EP6


They say, fights in a relationship are healthy. But if you keep fighting all the time, it could be worst. You may fight because the other person do something wrong so you just have to talk about it so they wont do it again next time. Or you could sit back and think again why did they do it anyway.


Stop blaming and finger pointing. Instead, take it positively and learn from it.

And this doesnt just for relationship, but also friendship. We talk random and general here.


Knowing myself, I shouldnt write this post as in i'm good enough or well experienced to give relationship advice. Or maybe its nauseating for you to read this, but somehow you'll get there. and everything on the above does make sense.



p/s: This might sounds weird but to those who find drinking coffee and listening to song could talk some sense into you, then you're not alone. I'm here bro. I do feel so. 


#listeningtoFlyFm

That.....

Hopeless.

I feel hopeless.

You know you cant win the fight but still you dont wanna lose but you cant do anything about it.

It may sounds like you're giving up. But it isnt.

It just that you know where you are and not wasting your time fighting for something that isnt worth it.


No matter how hard I fight, no matter what I say, in the end I still lose. I may have point but its not right enough to make me win. I dont have alibi.

Maybe I happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe.

I may have not the chance now, but I will some other time. I know.

If we ever meet again, i'll make this right.



p/s: its not that I dont care, I still do. It just that no matter how hard I try, no one sees. and for now I shall stop being your burden. 


beautifulhangover#nowplaying

A reminder

 p/s: for myself as well. 



finallyfoundyou#nowplaying

HOPE

I thought you'd be different.

Well, it just a thought.

Name it yourself

I'm not the love guru type of person who deserved to write this post but on behalf of my friend who just not so recently got out from a relationship but the "ship" they're having is quite complicated that I have to console my friend and i think this post made sense just to help if anyone out there having the same issues/whatever that might related.

okay that makes quite an introduction. 

Back to topic. 

A very good friend of mine had this relationship with this guy and I'm beyond happy for her cse she's finally have someone to look after her but things didnt go so well between them that I wanna see her happy but if she didnt I cant do much. So I said I'll support her whatever decision she made which she regret it now. I'm kinda of guilty. She dumped him.

and now that guy is having a relationship with another girl (which is completely fine they even put it on facebook) and that my dear friend having a heartbreak. 

That guy must have been sending mixed/wrong signals to my friend, cse they're still texting and wake each other up for subuh prayer (which is really sweet) but then here goes the breaking news.

She dumped him. (okay i mentioned that twice)

which made sense to me if that guy wanna revenge or making her into him again and suddenly having relationship with another women. 

Before their break up, she said to me that she has no feeling for this guy which now I think thats a bull. That was her first real relationship and of course she's a lil bit scared to open up cse she didnt know if its real or not.

I do understand that. Really. Cse i'm living it now. 

But people appreciate something when its gone.

Now that he's gone (i mean in relationship with someone) and she feels like she can never win this guy again cse he's with someone else. and the fact that guy was over her when she just realized how real her feeling for this guy contributes to heartbreak she's having.

I cant talk much cse its no one's fault. Okay maybe that guy sent wrong signals and my friend took it seriously. But at the first place he got dumped. and he's hurt. His ego was hurt. Do you know how much that hurts? Very much.

and you cant really blame him on what he did to you (i mean my friend). 

I kinda lost my dearest once and I cant barely live for that temporary moment and when I had the second chance to have him back, I didnt waste it. And who knows that I appreciate him more than I did before. 

I hope that will teach her not to let the chance she has wasted, instead appreciate it like there's no second chance. 

p/s: Mistakes are mistakes if you repeat them.

theonlyexception #nowplaying

Why Cactus?

Hello there hungry readerssss (lol bajet).


Since i bought cactuses and took care of them, I've been flooded with questions "why cactus?", "why not other flowers?" and bla bla bla...

Honestly, sometimes I asked myself, why did i chose cactus? and why did i decide to plant something? why did i turned to mother nature kind of stuff? why so sudden? hmmm..

First of all, honestly i kind of making the biggest mistake in my life on some date (cant remember when) so i sort of depressed and moody and all sort of emotional feelings. and i decided to start from bottom, start fresh, start all over again, and i chose to start with nature.

taking care of plants is not as easy as you think. its not just watering the plants and thats all. it takes more than you think. watering the plant and provide them sunlight is a must. but all those little things that you do toward them counts. you gotta change the pot in order for the plant to grow, sometimes you gotta give them fertilizers, cleaning the soil, change the soil, and stuff.

my friend once asked me why cactus? they're ugly. and know what my answer is? because you have the eyes that judged something from the outside that blinded you from seeing the beauty inside. and the words that slipped out of my mouth kind of satisfying for me at least. and he did suggest to plan orchid because its beautiful and bla bla bla.

i know flowers are beautiful. so does cactus. We have different opinions, the way we see something. I see life from different perspective. some people might find the prickles on the cactus are ugly and painful, and why is that? have you ever take a closer look at them?

if you hold them gently, it wont hurts you. if you go rough, then feel the pain of the prickles. it just like how you treat them. if you do good, they're being good. and vice versa.

and one more thing, taking care of cactus is easier than taking care of other plants or flower. cse you only need to water them once a week and change the soil once in a month and they dont need fertilizers. Mostly other plants, if you didnt water them for few days they're gonna wilt. but not cactus. they stored water inside their body.

and its like they can take care of themselves. throw them on the dessert, they still can survive. they'll find the way. their spirit sometimes weirdly inspired me. the desire to live. and one of my cactus fell on the ground from fourth floor which is my room. I found it the next day, on the side walk. and has been stepped upon and it was raining a night before and the soil also gone, only left it with few roots.

when i picked it off of the ground, i touched the soft spot which was broken. but it seems fine on the outside but its not in the inside. you know what i mean? and that evening i immediately change the pot and the soil, trying my best to save it's life and now i'm just hoping that it will keep living.

did you see that? its broken. but look at it now, it's living. 

p/s: in life, do not lose hope. we might think our life has come to an end but in fact, it has just begun.

littlethings #nowplaying